apostrophusion

An area in England has decided to get rid of the apostrophe from their street signs because it’s too confusing. Luckily, the APS was there to make sure that DIDN’T happen!

Oh, the APS is the Apostrophe Protection Society. They exist because…um…I guess they want to make sure the apostrophe doesn’t get pushed around by other, bigger punctuations and typographical marks.

IMAGINE the confusion when driving around Devonshire and you’re looking for King’s Crossing (a crossing officially owned by the king) and you come across Kings Crossing (a place where you would see many kings crossing at the same time)!

It would be chaos! Rampant, unapostrophed, King’s/Kings chaos!

You would never know if Lloyds Hill had many Lloyds on it or if it were actually owned by a Lloyd! And I am not kidding when I say that I have ALWAYS wondered that! (I even have the T-Shirt to prove it!)

There was once a battle against the # (hash) that the apostrophe lost. Like, hardcore lost. Have you ever been on Twitter? You should be. It’s awesome. But if anything is hash tagged, then the apostrophe is gone. Gone!

But I LOVE all punctuations and typographical marks! I can’t go a day without thanking the ampersand or the guillemets!

For now, I can’t have the best of both worlds. But don’t tell the APS that I love Twitter. They will dash over and backslash me with a dagger. (Look up punctuations and that sentence is totally hilarious!)

I’m off to make more punctual jokes.

Enjoy Everything.

-lopez

King Richard III Skeletor

King Richard III has been found! Well…his skeleton has been found. I know. That’s super exciting. Because you were TOTALLY looking for it.

Well stop looking in Utah! It’s not there! It’s in London, silly! In a parking lot! Where Richard III parked!

The Richard III Society is very happy about this.

Oh, you didn’t know there was a whole Society for Richard III? Well there is! They do tons of fun stuff! Like…read books…and other…things!

That book joke is funny because he lifted bans on books and printing presses. Go ahead. You can laugh now.

They also think that Richard III was a good guy and that the Tudors spread super-mean rumors about him. They hope that finding his skeleton will help prove those rumors wrong. Because…you know…skeletons are great at talking…about Tudor tabloids…and reading books!

They did a bunch of tests to prove that this skeleton was, in fact, Richard III.

The best test? They have the 17th great-grand-nephew of the King’s sister around for a DNA test!

He makes cabinets. If I were him, I would totally use my lineage to impress people.

Me: “Hey. I make cabinets.”

You: “That’s lame.”

Me: “And I’m the 17th great-grand-nephew of King Richard III’s sister.”

You: “Mildly less lame.”

Score.

I’m off to be mildly less lame.

Enjoy Everything.

-lopez

orange you glad we’re tasty

Want the tastiest hot chocolate ever? Put it in an orange mug! That’s all you have to do! You could make it with dirt and it would still taste good!

Well…that last part might not be true. The rest is! For no reason at all, researchers in Spain and England did a test. They put the same hot chocolate in four different colored mugs. Cream, orange, white, and red. The inside of the mugs were all white.

Then people tasted the hot chocolate and most people said that it tasted bestest coming from the orange mug!

I don’t know if this works with all food, but I’m going to jump to the conclusion that it does. Therefore, I’m going to open up a restaurant called “OraNgE.” I played with the shift key to make it look trendy. Because trendy places make more money. Especially ones with biggle and little letters.

My trendy restaurant will be TOTALLY ORANGE. Everything. The chairs, the tables, the plates, the silverwar…NO! Orangeware! Oh…this is going to be brilliant!

All the food will be orange too! And no, I’m not going to ONLY serve carrots and oranges. Even though those are two of my favorite foods. Wait…ah! Even the food tricked my normally keen senses! They’re both orange! No wonder I love them so much!

Nature knows how to make us eat orange things! That nature is a tricky fox.

To give people more choices, I will add orange colors to all the foods there! And you will order off an orange menu!

OH! And to get in, you must wear something orange! Another rule of trendy clubs is to have some sort of dress code. That makes you seem exclusive. And exclusivity makes people think you have something specialer than it really is. Hence: trendy.

Maybe I’ll have orange jackets people can wear if they forget orange clothes. Or clothes in general.

There was once a song by the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion called Orange. Actually, it was a whole album. I really loved that album. It tasted gre…AH! Orange got me again! Wow! That’s some good orange!

I’m off to get orangey.

Enjoy Everything.

-lopez