vampires know science

A recent study on mice found that putting the blood of younger mice into older mice reversed their aging.

Yes! This might be the plot to a bad horror movie.

It is also real science! These scientists found that the blood of the younger mice gave the older mice stronger muscles and brains. The research is very interesting even though it’s mildly (very) creepy.

Now we know why vampires live so long! I mean, everybody is basically younger than a vampire!

You know what would be a great movie? The Umpire Vampire.

Scene: Late at night after a baseball game. It’s dark and the last person to leave the locker room is one of the players.

Umpire: Hello pitcher.

Player: I’m not the pitcher. I’m the shortstop.

Umpire: Oh, I didn’t mean your position. I meant that we will fill this pitcher…WITH YOUR BLOOD.

Player: NOOOOOOOO!

Sounds of blood being drained.

Umpire: (standing over lifeless body) You’re out…OF BLOOD!

Those are the only two jokes I have relating to baseball and vampires. So that’s pretty much the whole movie.

Also, the umpire stays young. Because science.

My next movie idea is about a unicorn that is also a vampire. It’ll be part of a trilogy. And the last movie will be two movies. Because everybody does a 4-part trilogy now.

I’m off to cast the vampicorn.

Enjoy Everything.

-lopez

unicorn customs

Can a unicorn get through customs? Yes. As long as the unicorn has magically disguised itself as a little girl!

There’s a girl from South Wales who was able to get through security in Turkey with a fake passport. A passport FOR A UNICORN.

She got this fake passport for her stuffed unicorn as part of her “Design A Bear” toy. I guess they want to make sure your stuffed animal can travel the world with you.

During the rush through Turkey customs, they gave the unicorn’s passport to the person working there instead of little Emily’s passport! And they got through!

I’m not sure what this says about security in Turkey, but I do know what it says about my new passport picture.

It’s going to be a picture of a unicorn! My name will be Sprinkle Sparkle and I will travel the world on magic, love, and United Airlines!

If anybody asks why, in my current shape, I don’t look like the picture, I will tell them that I’m in secret “human form” because there are many evil wallaby spies trying to get all my unicorn secrets from me.

Like our secret moon base. And where we store all our candy.

I’d be, like, the James Bond of unicorns. Starring in GoldenHorn. Or Unicorns are Forever. Or License to Frolic.

I’d also work for the Queen of England.

The only difference is that I would order my frosting stirred, not shaken. Because…well…can you even shake frosting? Wait…can I get a frosting shake?!

That sounds soooooo gooooood!

I’m off to shake and stir and frosting.

Enjoy Everything.

-lopez